Friday, October 16, 2009

My Marriage, My Idol

To my dearly beloved fellow sisters in Christ,

One of the biggest strains that I have ever placed on my marriage was the unspoken demand for my husband to be my Lord and savior. It wasn't something that I verbalized, but it was an unattainable, internal standard that I had set for him.

I expected my husband to be perfect and without fault. With this expectation came disappointment and bitterness. When the Bible alluded to the husband being "like Christ" in regards to his relationship to his wife, I took this to mean perfect.


I charged him with filling the needs and completing tasks that only the Lord could. I expected my husband to know how I was feeling even when I was to hurt and stubborn to verbalize.

I expected him to know what to do to make me happy. I wanted him to meet all of my needs. I demanded that he figure out what it required to make me feel secure.

This kind of thinking began to take a severe toll on the strength of my marriage. It was not until I realized that I had set up an idol. This idol was a detailed mental list of the type of husband God wanted for me. This list transformed from the type of husband God wanted for me into the type of husband I demanded that I have.

I had built an image of my husband, based upon every righteous aspect of the scripture, and then turned it into an idol of worship. If ever my husband did not meet the standards I had formulated, I would become frustrated, resentful and bitter. This showed up in my speech, behavior and attitude.

It wasn't until God began to show me how far away I was from being a Proverbs 31 or Titus 2 mentor that I finally humbled myself.

It amazes me how easily something good can turn bad when we get our hands on it. Needless to say, that I stopped demanding that my husband be perfect and begun the work of allowing God to perfect me. Not only have I grown in the process, but God has molded my husband into the perfect man for me.

I no longer worship who he could be, but I accept and encourage my husband for who he his and where he is. I let God's grace handle the rest.

If you have a husband that you believe is coming up short, be prayerful, focus on the Lord and encourage your husband often. Ask God to help you focus on your husbands goodness. Allow God to use you to be the helpmeet he needs to become the man God predestined him to be.

May the Lord greatly bless you with the reading of these words.


  1. Girl...been there, done that, and definitely have the t-shirt. My marriage began to improve when I allowed hubby to be hubby. Expectations will kill a marriage! Excellent words of wisdom. Have a joyful weekend in Motherhood!

  2. This was an excellent post! I have linked to it in my is great to have found another kindred spirit! Blessings!

  3. We are SO much happier since I realized I was doing the same thing. I now focus on the very good man my husband is, and leave the rest to God's timing. Trusting Him is a much better way to live!

  4. Thank you for sharing , this is the type of wisdom i have NEEDED to hear. I suffer silently in the desire for my husbands change.I have sought mentorship on it , and come up with nothing but void and vagueness. Your words speak to me , and it eases the pain. Thank you , I do so thank you and I thank God for using you in this manner.

  5. Thank you so much for your wise words! I have done exactly the same thing and ended up with much frustration. Now I realize what I've been doing and am ready to make a change. Thank you for the confirmation!

    Be Blessed!


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